Author: Neal Asher

Science Fiction Music.

Posted on by Neal Asher

As you all might know the sites Facebook and MySpace are crowded with indie bands, professional musicians and the like. Some of these have contacted me and some have obviously found my weird-ass writing inspirational.

One of the first to contact me (on MySpace, but he’s on Facebook too) was one Miguel Vella (guy with the guitar) and he even came along to one of my signings at Forbidden Planet. He’s now apparently working on a concept track called Jerusalem AI. Love it!
The other one with the freaky hair, called Jazizo Cappucino, based in San Francisco, has already produced a track called Prador Moon.
If you are on either of the sites mentioned you can check out samples of the music.

Cupid (Stupid) Pose.

Posted on by Neal Asher

I recently had a chat with a friend I hadn’t seen for something like a year, as usual we ranted about the madness that seems to surround us. Being a farmer he’s been at the sharp end of some of the EU and NuLabour madness, red tape and endless ridiculous legislation. He told me first about the tax on plastic bale wrap – a disposal tax they must pay whilst still disposing of the wrap in the usual manner, that is, on a fire; or how he, on a family farm, can’t smoke in his tractor whilst it is out in the middle of a field, can’t smoke in their outbuildings and must put up No Smoking signs. The crap list is endless.

I told him about my blog, but he said he didn’t read blogs. He’s read this one now and has said, “Not sure about the photograph, it looks a bit ‘posed’ to me, may I suggest the one below as a replacement?” and provided the picture here.

Noting the body warmer, washed out jeans, silly shoes and lack of grey hair, I’d put this in the Eighties or early Nineties. I suspect it was a Mundon ‘Fun Day’, which usually started from the local pub then ended up there.

Emma Thompson & Alistair McGowan

Posted on by Neal Asher

Emma Thompson and Alastair McGowan among those who have bought one-acre plot right at heart of proposed development. Land earmarked by Heathrow owner BAA to build a third runway has been bought by a group of celebrities, scientists, politicians and green campaigners in an attempt to severely delay the development. The new runway would make Heathrow Britain’s biggest single source of greenhouse gas emissions.
The stench of hypocrisy is enough to make one gag when ‘celebrities’ start spouting off about the environment. We must travel less, pump less carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, really, we must all stay at home and watch television (preferably not a plasma screen since that uses so much energy, anyway, the EU will be banning the sale of them shortly). But what should we all watch?
How about Alistair McGowan Goes Wild with Rhinos? Obviously he and a large film crew jetted off to Kenya to film the program but, since it’s about conservation, that’s okay. Or what about, at this time of year, the various award ceremonies in Hollywood, you know, like the Golden Globes or the Oscars, like the ones Emma Thompson flew to Hollywood to collect? Maybe they’ll put on Alistair McGowan’s Posh & Beck’s Special, which he flew to Madrid to film, or and episode of Who Do You Think You Are, which he flew to India to film. Or surely there’s something with Emma Thompson in which she of course did no location filming. I mean she’s a good girl who works for African charities and of course wouldn’t consider flying out there with a film crew – that’d cause far too much environmental damage. And I’m sure she’ll be hang gliding to Los Angeles while she’s losing weight with Madonna’s fitness trainer.
The reality of what these hypocritical pricks are saying, in the cloistered world of Champagne socialism, is that YOU shouldn’t fly, YOU should reduce your carbon footprint. They, being glitterati smooching with our rulers, are obviously our betters, and can fly first class around the world in pursuit of their careers or whilst delivering their sanctimonious homilies.

Orbus Blurb (cover copy).

Posted on by Neal Asher

I’ve written up three blurbs for the book for the editor at Macmillan to mix and match so what appears below might not be what appears on the book. Here you go:

Now in charge of a cargo spaceship, the Old Captain Orbus, flees a violent and sadistic past, but he doesn’t know that the lethal war drone, Sniper, is a stowaway, and that past is rapidly catching up with him. His old enemy the Prador Vrell, mutated by the Spatterjay virus into something powerful and dangerous, has seized control of a Prador dreadnought, killing its entire crew, and now seeks to exact vengeance on those who tried to have him killed.
Their courses inexorably converge in the Graveyard, the border realm lying between the Polity and the Prador Kingdom, a place filled with the ruins left by past genocides and interplanetary war. Secure in that same place the Golgoloth, a monster to a race of monsters, is recruited by the terrifying King of the Prador into the long cold war between his kind and the humans. It is imperative that Vrell be hunted down and killed, for what he knows and what he might do.
Meanwhile, something that has annihilated civilizations is stirring from a slumber of five million years, and the cold war is heating up, fast.

Theodore Dalrymple

Posted on by Neal Asher

Good if old article here from this guy. I must buy some of his books.

A Gallop Down the Road to Serfdom.

If the citizen should drive, he soon discovers that his vehicle confers anxiety rather than freedom. Slight infringements of the driving rules are photographed and he is fined. When he parks he soon discovers that wheel-clamping is the one public service that works with clockwork efficiency. Squeezing money from him is likewise the one task that the State takes seriously, for he cannot rely on the police to protect him, or the schools to educate his children, or the hospitals to succour him when he is ill, or public transport to take him anywhere without hitch. A bloated payroll does not translate into efficient services: on the contrary, it is incompatible with them.

Consensus — Mark Twain

Posted on by Neal Asher

Interesting article at NHS Insider, here’s a sample:

…[I]n the drift of years I by and by found that a Consensus examines a new thing by its feelings rather oftener than with its mind. You know, yourself, that this is so.… Do you know of a case where a Consensus won a game? You can go back as far as you want to and you will find history furnishing you this (until now) unwritten maxim for your guidance and profit: Whatever new thing a Consensus coppers (colloquial for “bets against”), bet your money on that very card and do not be afraid. There was that primitive steam engine — ages back, in Greek times: a Consensus made fun of it. There was the Marquis of Worcester’s steam engine, 250 years ago: a Consensus made fun of it. There was Fulton’s steamboat of a century ago: a French Consensus, including the Great Napolean, made fun of it. There was Priestly, with his oxygen: a Consensus scoffed at him, mobbed him, burned him out, banished him. While a Consensus was proving, by statistics and things, that a steamship could not cross the Atlantic, a steamship did it. A Consensus consisting of all the medical experts in Great Britain made fun of Jenner and inoculation. A Consensus consisting of all the medical experts in France made fun of the stethoscope. A Consensus of all the medical experts in Germany made fun of that young doctor (his name? forgotten by all but doctors, now, revered by doctors alone) who discovered and abolished the cause of that awful disease, puerperal fever; made fun of him, reviled him, hunted him, persecuted him, broke his heart, killed him. Electric telegraph, Atlantic cable, telephone, all “toys,” of no practical value — verdict of the Consensuses. Geology, paleontology, evolution — all brushed into space by a Consensus of theological experts, comprising all the preachers in Christendom, assisted by the Duke of Argyle and (at first) the other scientists.

Atheist Bus

Posted on by Neal Asher

This is amusing and of course the ‘offensive’ word is once again rolled out to try and shut people up. Seems the world is full of people getting all offended which is great for governments wanting to bring in more legislation to control every second of our lives:

The advertising regulator has received almost 150 complaints that an atheist ad campaign, proclaiming “There is probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life”, is offensive to Christians and other religions that believe in a single God.

Thing is, religions are allowed to advertise with their ‘Jesus loves you’, ‘God is great’ and some of them even have television channels dedicated to promote their ridiculous Bronze Age nonsense. I find that extremely offensive but don’t expect it to stop any time soon and would defend their right continue. So why shouldn’t atheists be allowed to advertise? In fact let’s have a TV channel and make the message a bit stronger than the rather bland one on the side of that bus. Anyway, I’d love to be a fly on the wall during this investigation:

Hanne Stinson, the chief executive of the British Humanist Association, which launched the campaign, said she “pitied the ASA if they are going to be expected to rule on the probability of god’s existence. However, if they do investigate we will be very happy to respond.

Playmobil Security Checkpoint

Posted on by Neal Asher


My thanks to Phil Edwards at Live For Films for pointing this out to me. It’s the Playmobil Security Checkpoint sold on Amazon. Read the comments below – they’re hilarious. Here’s a sample:

I was a little disappointed when I first bought this item, because the functionality is limited. My 5 year old son pointed out that the passenger’s shoes cannot be removed. Then, we placed a deadly fingernail file underneath the passenger’s scarf, and neither the detector doorway nor the security wand picked it up. My son said “that’s the worst security ever!”. But it turned out to be okay, because when the passenger got on the Playmobil B757 and tried to hijack it, she was mobbed by a couple of other heroic passengers, who only sustained minor injuries in the scuffle, which were treated at the Playmobil Hospital.
The best thing about this product is that it teaches kids about the realities of living in a high-surveillence society. My son said he wants the Playmobil Neighborhood Surveillence System set for Christmas. I’ve heard that the CC TV cameras on that thing are pretty worthless in terms of quality and motion detection, so I think I’ll get him the Playmobil Abu-Gharib Interogation Set instead (it comes with a cute little memo from George Bush).

Green Man Review.

Posted on by Neal Asher

Very nice review of The Gabble over here and Greenman Review:

Best story? I really can’t say, for much the same reason that I can’t pick out the best novel of the entire Polity series. Having read eleven novels and one collection comprising over ten thousand pages of reading, I can only say that all of it is excellent, all of it well-worth reading. If you haven’t yet read your way through this series, I envy you; if you have, go get your copy of The Gabble and Other Stories right now before it sells out in hardcover!

Cat Eldridge.